Heart without a Beat
by Karalynn Mac
Summary: I couldn't even remember how and why I turned Strigoi. A part of me was able to still have thoughts running through me, but honestly? I don't even care one bit. Nada, not the way Dimitri's face was so distraught when he glimpsed at me. So close to killing but I'm well known as a Strigoi around the world and there were some things I can't remember being in this form of undead state.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Academy books or the characters. **

**Author's Note: Hello I have written plenty of stories but I decided to write a fanfiction about a complicated love story between Rose and Dimitri and how everyone will cope with it. This is different from the usual stories I write so please be friendly and review. Thanks! **

I couldn't even remember how and why I turned Strigoi. A part of me was able to still have thoughts running through me, but honestly? I don't even care one bit. Nada, not the way Dimitri's face was so distraught when he glimpsed at me. So close to killing but I'm well known as a Strigoi around the world and there were some things I can't remember being in this form of undead state. It's probably what got me killed in the first place after a few months of being restored by Lissa. Playing all these games with more ancient groups than ours, and after my death it's still messing up my world and the people I care about. As I laid here watching the red eyes staring at me and then stabbing my renewed Dhampir heart. There was nothing I could do to save myself this time.


	2. Leaving Him

**Author's Note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in forever, I was dealing with grad and getting around to Register for Post Secondary. I'm back now and will try post more chapters when I can!**

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It was autumn and the leaves started to turn red, yellow and orange. Everything looked so beautiful at this time of year. I walked into Lehigh University with Lissa and Dimitri quietly as we headed to her morning class. By looking at Lissa she was definitely excited to start psychology. I led us to the back but I could feel those green eyes staring at me. Her thoughts rung through my head, _we're sitting in the front Rose. _I sighed and picked up my binder. She had a smile as she sat in the middle, I rolled my eyes at her. Dimitri chuckled and we held a glance for a few seconds. I looked away after still being childish as the professor came in. He opened the text book and started talking about the basics of mental functions and behaviors of the brain. Slowly, I drifted off into my own head.

Dimitri put on a very good game face after what happened a few days ago. It was like what happened did not even happen. But for me, I wasn't that put together as I thought I would've been. Not after talking with Lissa about the drama with Dimitri. We've been together for quite awhile now. We have survived through the tragedy experience living at the Royal Court.

Although the queen had survived but not in a conscious state, she's still in a coma. Everything was complicated with deciding if Lissa would be queen or she would head off as a university student. Obviously she had become a student here. It's been a few weeks of school and I wasn't liking it so much. Mostly because Natasha Ozera decided it'd be a good idea to head a career as a psychology professor. She teaches the next class and I dread that the most.

Tears started to appear at the brim of my eyes, I blinked them back. The words echoed in my head. _Love fades, mine has. "You knew it was going to come to this Rose. Don't look so surprised," I held my breath._

_I could barely feel my own presence, but to him he thought this was my fault. The point is that it wasn't and he would never forgive me for what happened, even though I tried saying it was Mia Rinaldi._

_It all started like this. Later that night I was doing a through final check before the next set of guards would go out and watch for Strigoi at the University. Mia had somehow arranged a trap for Tasha. And it was a brilliant frame for me. There was a note on her desk that had neat handwriting like mine and also looked like the department of humanities. It said on the note that Tasha was going to have a day off for more training at a more academic university for a couple weeks. But instead she had somehow got someone to contact a Strigoi in a car waiting to pick up Tasha. _In Dimitri's head he thought I was handing over a Royal to the undead to get rid of her. He thought I was jealous which I was, but I knew the rules and would never have thought of what Mia did.

_"I can't believe how immoral you can be!" He shouted at me as soon as he found out. Dimitri had dramatically bumped past me, already dialing someone on the phone. Quickly, he set up a plan to find Tasha before they killed her. They were lucky after a week they have found her. She was really weak though._

_For awhile Dimitri avoided me and I was trying to find a way to talk to him personally, and I finally have. This time he didn't look at me then left. "We're gonna get over this right? Or is it over for good?"_

_Dimitri looked away. He had tears in his eyes, "Rose love fades, mine has." I couldn't breath or hold back my tears at this point I knew we'd never have the same thing before the incident. I ran away back to the dorm in the Lehigh University._

Class ended and I found that Lissa was shaking my shoulder. Dimitri was waiting but wasn't looking at me, I felt uneasy. "The guardians want to talk to you today at lunch. It's gonna be a meeting about what happened," Lissa said quietly. Surely Dimitri would've heard. She was the only one that believed me.

I got up my heart pounding hard, and my hands started to shake nervously. I picked up my books and put it back in the dorm room. Straight after that we left to the Royal Court. We all drove in silence and I couldn't sit still, my mouth was dry as the desert. As soon as we got there I froze looking at how much people were sitting at the long table with glasses of water.

"Good you're here Rose," Tatiana said in a flat tone. She had a small smile that you could barely see or detect if she was smiling at all. I sat down quietly. "Dimitri and Vasilisa you can go around and do what you feel like. We shouldn't be very long with Rose."

My eyes looked around at the people in their business suits then my eyes caught Janine sitting disappointed. She was never around, now I know this is definitely bigger than I thought it was.

"What you did is unacceptable. We are here to discuss if we should keep you as a guardian, but put you back to the academy and learn again or you will finally be on the streets doing blood whore work. You will be very good at that to Hathaway."

I could feel all the anger and rage rise inside of me. I stood up with angry tears in my eyes, "but you can't do that! You have no fucking proof that I almost killed Tasha. Mom you know I wouldn't do this." The last few words I could barely say. She looked at me very unsure about this.

Janine spoke, "Rose they got you on tape." She didn't have much to say.

I shook my head, "they couldn't. Prove it to me."

Tatiana got one of the guards to get the tape and there it was. It played and the video showed I wrote the note and slip it into the teachers lounge. It confused me a lot. I didn't remember doing this. Thoughts went through my head, thinking if Mia drugged me or something or if it was compulsion from someone strong. But surely enough I couldn't get myself out this one.

I had nothing to say, I was at a lost for words. "B-but I'm pretty sure Mia compulsed me to do that. There is no other explanation," I whined. My hands sweated under the table and I kept playing with them. Then it came into my mind, Dimitri must have already seen the footage.

Angrier Tatiana protested, "none of the younger students are strong enough like Lissa to pull off compulsion like this. And she wouldn't do that to you. Nothing is going to change our mind. We are here to simply discuss what we should do with you."

"What did Dimitri have to say about this?" I asked as soon as it came out of my mouth I regretted asking.

"He and we all believe that you are a danger to all of us and that we should release you. You are not to enter the Royal Court after you leave here again, and you are going to drop out of University. From now on you are no longer Vasilisa Dragomir's official guardian."

Tears were streaming down my face by now. This was so unfair and I didn't have much to back me up. I looked over at Janine who wasn't looking at me anymore. "Mom you got to do something," I cried.

She glanced over at me shaking her head. Janine dug something out of her pocket and handed over a lot of money. "You screwed your life the least I can do is give you money other than that you're on your own. You know how to fight Strigoi very well. This meeting is over now, that's everything we need to discuss. I'm very busy and have to go catch my plane now." She got up without saying another word and so did everyone else.

I was sitting here living one of my worst nightmares. Dimitri came back he was just standing at the door quietly waiting for me. I walked up to him, "what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I have to take you to the airport now." We both left. It was a very quiet drive there. I was going to New York and figure out what to do with my life. They all said I have to live like a human or do blood whoring. I had all the bags in the back that I would need including my stake. At least I had that with me.

By late afternoon we arrived at the airport. Dimitri helped me bring in my luggage, and I could barely keep myself together. My body still a little bit shaky. I walked to security and Dimitri was about to leave, but I grabbed his hand. "What do you honestly think?" I whispered and my heart stopped.

He stood in silence for a few seconds and his real emotions came pouring through. He kissed the top of my forehead then pulled back, "honestly Rose I want to believe you wouldn't do such an idiotic move." That's all he said and left. I watched as he headed out the door and all I could see was a tiny figure out by his car.

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**So that's it for now. If any of you guys have a great idea please tell me and review! :)**


	3. Moving to New York

****Author's Note: Okay so in my story I changed it up a bit and Rose has never met Adrian until now.****

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I could feel her emotions so strong right now. Lissa was so afraid what would happen to me, if I'd survive the outside world. The plane is going to land in 25 minutes, and my palms are pretty sweaty. Rumor has it New York has an abundance amount of Strigoi at night. And in the human world they thought the majority of the problems of people are dying and disappearing is because it's just filled with bad people. Although that is true but there is also Strigoi. Powerful ones because they feed on a lot of humans and the Moroi who aren't Royal don't have Guardians.

When I felt a hand on my shoulder I was very startled and it was my instinct to fight almost would've gotten me in deep shit. I looked at the person with the deep emerald green eyes looking at me with a smirk. He had dark chestnut brown hair that was styled in a messy way. He looked like a model, the pale skin and I could tell he's a Moroi. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you," he chuckled, "but this is my seat at the window and you were in your own head for the whole flight."

I laughed to, "pretty cocky aren't you?" He smiled at me.

"I'm Adrian Ivashkov and you are?" He asked inviting himself to the window seat without asking me to move my legs. I rolled my eyes at him and said, "I'm Rose Hathaway."

He sat down beside me with a loud sigh, "so what are you doing in New York?"

I bit my lip hesitantly nervous, "I'm moving there everything was a bust in Montana so that's pretty much it. I don't really have an idea what I'm going to do with my life." I said, and surprised by how much I was open with Adrian.

He looked at me for a second and replied, "Well I would invite you to my penthouse but surely you know not to trust strangers."

I laughed at him, "I might just take you up on that offer. I can protect myself thanks." Adrian laughed to, and I glared at him. "I'll give you my number, maybe we can hang out sometime."

I got off the plane, into the crowd of people. I dived in and just wanted to be alone for once. It felt nice not being known. Adrian was heading off into a different direction, and I ran after him. "Second thought I wouldn't mind staying with you for a little bit." I said a little out of breath.

A smile came at the edge of his mouth, "okay cool."

We headed off and took a cab. It took forever to get past the traffic. During the plane ride I was thinking about all the Strigoi, and forgot what a bitch to live in a place like New York. It was dark already and I just wanted to go to bed.

As soon as I got back to the place I dropped my suitcase and laid down on the comfortable bed. I didn't care about how nice of a place this was, my heart was tearing apart. I hated the fact that a stupid little wit like Mia could kick me out. I wasn't going to let her live without revenge; that's when I get back to the university. I need to focus on my life in New York now and I'm honestly scared as fuck. This is the worst place for a Dhampir to live.

Eventually I fell asleep and didn't realize the timing till my alarm started to beep in my ears. It was loud I turned it off, and looked out at the first peek of the sun shining through the silk white drapes. I had to get every second of the sun I can get before the Strigoi come out.

I got dressed quickly into my clothes. Tight black jeans, and a blue Mango top Lissa bought for me-whatever a top fashion designer would name their clothes Mango, but Lissa said it's important to where more high maintenance clothes to blend into NY. The top honestly looked really hot, and I slipped on my black leather jacket.

I headed out without thinking but I had to get things done today, and I'm not exactly sure what yet. Before I knew it I whipped out my iPhone and checked out a place Lissa told me to check out. Before I left she sneaked into one of the offices that located the private schools and places that guardians were at throughout the world. I headed to Pacha in Manhattan, one of the biggest clubs around.

Apparently a few of the guardians worked there part time. The club is opened all hours. I took the subway this time, it's very stupid but I'm also very impatient. I am Rose Hathaway and after all that has happened I'm golden to protect myself. As soon as I got down to the subway I asked people how to get to the night club in Manhattan, and it's confusing but I know what stop to get off at.

I hoped on the subway and so did a lot of people. I sat down in the back and minded my own business, and watching out to see if there were any Strigoi. I had my silver stake on my inside pocket of my jacket.

But then I got pulled back into the life at the Royal Court. Lissa was talking to Dimitri worriedly, and she couldn't stop clawing her fingernails into her hand. I felt the pain to and it was throbbing. She's going to bleed herself if she doesn't stop.

I listened to there conversation and I checked their surroundings and it made sense to why they were whispering. The two were outside of one of the meeting rooms and there were an abundance amount of guardians talking about me. My heart started pounding hard.

"She should suffer for almost murdering the queen. It was a bad idea to let her head off to a city, we need to get Janine to tell us were they sent her," one of the guardians said.

And another spoke, "or Dimitri. He knows where Rose is."

Lissa looked at Dimitri quickly and whispered, "you wouldn't tell them where Rose is?" A concerned look filled her face.

Dimitri shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know what to do about her anymore. It's more than likely they will find her easy." Dimitri took Lissa and they left from the meeting room. I could feel Lissa's strong feelings and she was going to call me as soon as she's alone.

Tears streamed down my eyes again. I couldn't think of Dimitri right now, I would be stupid if I did. I need to focus on the guardians here. I got up and the door opened for my stop. I stepped off the subway and started to head up for the stairs. It was gross down in the station. Pretty much everything is filled of trash laying on the cement.

Everything is different in Manhattan. All the buildings are over 20 stories high and the reflected glass of the dark grey sky. This is crazy how the sun could be shining out, and the next minute clouds hovered. It could rain anytime. I would be screwed; the Strigoi would come out.

It wasn't longer then twenty minutes when I got to the club, and it was colossal. I walked in to the crowd. Music is playing loudly. I headed to the back door that is probably one of the places where the strippers and employees were. I looked around passing the sweaty dancing bodies. This is the place that never sleeps I guess, and that's why people have nothing better to do during the day than clubbing.

Finally, I got to the back and asked around for a person Kate. The guy lead me to a room and knocked on the door, "Kate you got someone who wants to talk to you." He left me and I waited till she finally opened the door with a smile.

"Can I help you?" She asked kindly walking out closing the door behind her.

"Umm, I'm a guardian that just moved here. I was wondering if I could talk to one of the people in control of the NY guardians?"

Kate paused for a minute thinking. "Lets go inside," she said leading me into her room.

I got inside and it was a dressing room, but that's not what caught my attention. It was Adrian, and he had a smirk on his face, "hey little Dhampir."

"Adrian what are you doing here?" I asked shocked.

"What do you mean, this is my place I hangout at," he still had that dirty smile on his face.

I kinda laughed, "in the morning."

Kate interrupted, "okay you guys we got more serious things to deal with."

My phone started to ring and I picked it up. I looked at the both of them and said I needed a few minutes. It was Lissa on the phone and she started talking worriedly. "Rose you can't go to any of the guardians. They're gonna come after you for nearly killing the queen. I know you didn't but you gotta move and change everything."

I paused for a second, "Lissa too late I'm already here. And I can't fucking be by myself, this is New York. You know what the Strigoi here are like, really powerful." I said angrily but not at her, she's only trying to help.

"Please listen to me for once. This is very serious. They're going to get the truth out of Dimitri one way or another, and he's not exactly team Rose right now."

Kate walked towards me with a confused look, :"are you the girl who almost killed the queen?" She asked.

I said to Lissa that I had to go and I quickly turned my phone off. I shook my head, "fucking no way." I could also tell she didn't bought it. Adrian is listening to.

"A sweet little Dhampir like her wouldn't do that."

"Actually you are, aren't you," Kate said dialing her phone.

My body started to react fast. My instinct told me to fight. So I did and before she dialed the whole number, I kicked her phone and it flew across the room. Kate swung at me and I dodged her attack. Next I ran towards her grabbing her sides and slammed Kate against the ground. I picked up her body and knocked her out, although it wouldn't be too long.

I gave Adrian a quick glance and ran out into the crowd.

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****Sorry it's been a year long. I will try and write more chapters more on. I got a better plot line and I hoped you enjoyed. Please review. :)****


	4. An Unexpected Surprise

**Author's Note: So it's getting a lot better and for not writing awhile, I am going to write in Dimitri's POV. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the VA Series. **

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Adrian ran after me and I wasn't sure if I should run more fast away from everyone. I let him catch up because even if he tried to stop me I could fight him off. "Rose don't run away from me I want to help you." He said grabbing a hold of my shoulder.

I looked at him and wondered why he was willing to believe that I'm good just because of my appearance. "How the hell do you know I'm not a criminal? There is a very good chance a bad Dhampir like me could've done it."

Adrian looked at me serious with his beautiful green eyes. "Becauce I'm a spirit user and I can see your vibrant gold aura, but it's also quenched in sadness. There is no guilt in your heart," he said truthfully. How did he know that? I felt incredibly naked with him looking at me, like he could see through my soul. He was concerned.

"But Lissa is a spirit user and she doesn't read auras." Adrian smiled at me friendly.

"She probably doesn't know all the perks of a spirit user, and she would need to practice harder," Adrian said.

I started to walk again through the crowd. "Okay so you believe me but I don't know what to do. I need to head back to my place and get the rest of my things. I have to contact Sydney for more of the potion to get rid of Strigoi bodies." I paused for a breath, "and we need to take the subway again. It's the fastest way to get around."

We walked quickly there and I didn't talk. I didn't know what to say. So I gave Sydney a quick call. She picked up immediately, "Rose what do you need?" She asked.

"I need more of that potion stuff, I'm in New York right now. Could you send more?"

Through the phone I could here trying to breathe calmly. "What are you doing in New York? You need to get out there now! I heard whats happened from the Royal Court." Sydney said. "How about you take a train and meet me in Salt Lake City."

"Sure but I need money, but do they know your there?" I asked starting to feel slightly uneasy.

Adrian looked at me and said he's got money. "No they don't. But this is the last time I'm helping you for awhile. I was so close going the re-education centre, but I ran away so it's not like I got much to lose."

"Okay thanks Sydney, I'll take the next train after I get my luggage." I hung up the phone.

I let out a breath of relief, at least I'm getting out of this hell hole of a city. "Adrian it's very kind of you to offer money but Sydney can handle it."

"It's okay Rose I got lots of money, and I'm going with you. I can't let anything happen to you. If it did nobody wouldn't notice you on your own now." He said and our stop is here so we got off.

I quickly got all of my things and we rode the cab to the closest station. It was getting to be late afternoon now and I had my last potion inside my pocket just in case. We sat there for awhile the next train would arrive in an hour.

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Dimitri's POV

Everything still haunted me from being a Strigoi. I woke up sweaty and heart broken from a terrible dream. I was Strigoi and I killed people, I couldn't control myself. All I could do was just scream from the inside. I sat up for a few minutes trying to keep myself together.

I got up. Sleeping these days are the worse. I opened my door and walked the hallway. I wonder if Rose took my note I wrote her when we first fell in love. I headed to her dorm room. It was empty mostly, and I regret taking her to the airport. So much is clouding my thoughts.

I missed her terribly, but I couldn't see her after she saw me as a Strigoi. I wouldn't ever forget the horror in her face. The way I treated her. The way I captured her in Russia.

I took another deep breath, I'm torturing myself so I pushed those memories aside. Tears brimmed at my eyes.

I searched her things and picked up her uniform she had from St. Vladimir. It still smelled like her. I kept searching then I check the garbage can. The note wasn't there, she must have kept it. I found something else instead. It was a pregnancy test, I looked at the positive plus sign and my heart started to pound hard. I feel even more awful.

She's all by herself, and I'm thinking more clear. What the hell was I thinking? She can't take on more than a few Strigoi, and that depends how ancient or new they are. My thoughts fogged my thoughts about being a Strigoi. I was being so self torturing I wasn't thinking properly.

I remember I was drinking a lot one night, which I don't let myself. But the memories were too much and Rose was there. I started to remember we had an amazing night and she was so caring. Before I knew it we were making out in her bed, and then I was taking off her clothes. I shake that memory I need to help her.

I walked quickly out of her room and bumped into Lissa. She looked at me concerned, and then looked at what was in my hand. "Omg is that a pregnancy test?"

I nodded, "it's positive Lissa. She can't be alone, I'm gonna catch the next plane."

Lissa looked at me as I left. "I'm going to, you're not going alone." She ran after me. I stopped in front of her, she wasn't going to like what I'm going to say.

"Actually you can't come with me. I can't protect you by myself, and second you and Jill are the only ones in your bloodline," I said harshly hoping she'd try and understand. When it came to Rose she can be stubborn.

"Rose is my best friend, so you can't tell me not to go. Especially when she is pregnant," Lissa retorted. "I'm not asking for your permission. We both won't escape if we keep arguing."

She did have a point. I shrugged my shoulders, "if something happens remember it is your choice. I will try and protect you though."

We both left silently as we packed some of the essentials. While I drove to the airport, Lissa talked to me. "You know Rose is more than likely not in New York. I gave her a call and talked about the other guardians coming after her."

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Rose's POV

I feel sick again. We were so close to arriving in Utah, but I couldn't hold back a second longer. I ran to the bathroom and threw up the bagel I ate this morning. It's been a couple of weeks and I just started to feel morning nausea.

I walked back to sit down. Adrian looked at me, "are you okay?"

"Yup must have been a bad cream cheese or something,"I lied. He glanced at me like he probably knew the truth but just didn't bother saying. Adrian let it slide and looked out the window.

The train stopped and we got off. The sun shines bright here, and it's feels really hot. I would need lots of sun lotion. Sydney sat on the bench waiting patiently. She got up and walked towards us with a friendly smile.

"This is a good place to be. Not too much Strigoi would be here because of the heat," Sydney said. "I already got a place set up for you Rose and whoever this is."

"Adrian Ivashkov."

"Okay so let's get going," Sydney led us to the car and we drove to the apartment.

My phone rang again. Is it Lissa? I picked up the phone anyways, and Dimitri spoke. I was very shocked hearing his voice, after longing for him for so long. To hear that he's made a mistake letting me go.

"Roza I'm coming to get you." My heart leaped happily when I heard my Russian name. His accent I really missed. "You didn't tell me you are pregnant."

So he knows. I hesitated, and I wasn't sure if he's excited or if he feels like he has to deal with me. That pain in my chest burned thinking like this. I put it aside and told him the truth. "I wasn't sure what you'd think or say. You're already a mess, and when I found out I didn't think you'd want to talk to me again."

I bit my lip impatiently waiting.

Sydney pulled up to a nice place. We got out the car and the others grabbed my luggage. "The thing I don't get is how can you think I'd abandon you after all that we've been through?"

"I'm not because that's how it felt like," I said quietly as we headed inside. The tiles on the ground were beautifully put into place, and colorful. I always thought mosaic designs were cool. There was a garden with beautiful flowers, and trees.

"I was hurt after what happened. But look I'm at the airport with Lissa. Where are you?" Dimitri finally said.

"I'm in Salt Lake City with Sydney."

"Okay well I'm gonna catch the next plane down there. I'll see you soon." Dimitri hung up the phone.

I feel happy knowing that both of them are coming down to see me. But what's confusing is Dimitri is one of the best guardians out there, and he's willing to break the rules to come see me?

Another thought came to my mind. I don't think they would return after everything that's going to happen. We'd all be facing a lot of consequences. I shook those thoughts out of my head.

Sydney unlocked the door and we walked in. It was pure white painted walls with a golden design as a border near the ceiling. We took the elevator up and walked into a nice open were beautiful abstract paintings on the walls. A nude beige couch and chairs. I looked into the bedroom and there is a big bed with plenty of pillows and a feathered blanket.

"It's a really nice place," Adrian said also checking it out. "But the paintings can be better. Maybe a few Claude Monet."

I raised an eyebrow, "you know about art?"

Adrian laughed,"there's more to me than my looks." He put his hands through his hair and I had to look away. I couldn't feel that way for him. "In fact I can do more then seeing auras. I could walk into other people's dreams, and figure things out. Lastly, reviving plants."

I'm surprised. Lissa couldn't do these things, she'd be fascinated learning from him. I started to crave some food. "Can we get some food I'm hungry." I said taking off my jacket. "I'm gonna get changed quickly, it's too hot for jeans."

So I slipped into a skirt and kept the top Lissa suggested I wear on. We were outside again. Adrian looked at me with his green eyes. "I assume that was a good phone call? You seem more happy." He said with a smile.

"I am but I need time to fly so lets explore and have a good day," I returned his smile as we all got in the car again. This time I couldn't help but keep my smile on my face.


End file.
